I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
