Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Randomize
