Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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