I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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