I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
