I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
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