She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
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