i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
