So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
