He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
