i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Randomize
