also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Randomize
