Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
May the power of my ass compel you!!
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
