he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
