Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
