If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
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