So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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