Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
