apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
