Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize