When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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