i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Randomize
