youre lurking in front of me
True but thats because hes a fetus.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
