u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
as a side note pls kill me
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
