Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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