and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
