dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
