'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
