hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Randomize
