No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
