You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
