he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
