I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
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