You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Randomize
