I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
