I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
