By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
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