when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
