speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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