im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
if only i could text you this smell
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Randomize
