I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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