I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Randomize
