she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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