dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
