Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
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