youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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