I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
