i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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