i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
