Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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