What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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