mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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