The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
