Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
