Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
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