I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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