thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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