Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
