My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
