Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I just gift wrapped bread.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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