Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
