Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
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