Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
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