I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
i need some magic done to my vagina
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
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