im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
