fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
you guys were way drunker than both of me
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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