just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
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