TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Randomize
