WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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