piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Randomize
