so that wasnt chicken after all
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Randomize
