you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
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